On writing

[scripsi]

I compiled a masterlist for my Peter Pan fics today, I have been writing for eleven years now and those fics were they first I wrote. I have re-read them all and it amazes me what a long journey I have been travelled.

I thought my life was pretty good eleven years ago. I had a long-time boyfriend, a little kid and a job I liked. There were those episodes of depression, but I worked hard to not think about that. I worked hard not to think about a lot of things. Then I started to write.

It went from not having written for years to frantically writing every free moment I had and thinking about writing when I couldn't actually write, which was fairly often as small children need a lot of care. It was so strange and looking back I can't believe how it could take me such a long time to realise that what I was doing was self-therapy. I wrote practically non-stop for 18 months. By the end of that time I still had a little kid, but the rest was gone. No relationship, no work, but also no more depression. I didn't stop writing, but I didn't felt the urgent need to write and I was busy re-building my life into the life I really wanted, so it was pretty much put on the back-burner..

And I got it. I met my husband and I got a better job. The kid is well, but also a teenager and a very independent one as that. On the whole, things are better than I could ever imagine they could be eleven years ago.

I got the urge to start writing again a couple of months ago when I lost a relative, but I'm starting to feel I have got a bit of a balance again. And I have got into the habit of writing again. I don't feel the frenzy anymore, instead I have started to give me time to write for an hour or so every time. It feels pretty wonderful, I can tell you. And though I still write things off my chest and feel better for it, and I still like to write darker stuff, I find that I can also write things that are lighter and funnier and that feels good too.

In short, I'm glad to be back writing and that I have found a couple of new friends that I can fandom obesess with. I don't think I will stop writing again now, because there is actually a place for it in my life and not just snatched moment.

Comments

[velvetwhip.livejournal.com]

I am so glad that your life is so much better now.


Gabrielle

[scripsi.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! :)

[a-phoenixdragon.livejournal.com]

*hugs you hard*

Writing becomes such a part of us...and yes, it actually hurts when it isn't happening/can't happen. I'm so glad it could happen again for you. It seemed to get you through the worst. Now it is time for you to write at your best...

[scripsi.livejournal.com]

*hugs back*

It really does. :)

It seemed to get you through the worst. Now it is time for you to write at your best...

Indeed!

[paynesgrey.livejournal.com]

Yay! Glad you're into writing too! <3

[scripsi.livejournal.com]

:D

[thisbluespirit]

Aw, I'm glad that you've got so much out of your writing. It does feel so hard when you can't write, doesn't it? Almost like not breathing properly some days...

♥

[scripsi.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

Yes, exactly like not breathing properly. :)

[nenya_kanadka]

This sounds like a really familiar process to me. One of the first times I really got writing was maybe six or seven years ago when I was in a really bad place both physically and mentally. Silly porn was my escape! Then things got worse--too stressful to write--and better--too much else going on--but a few years later my sweetheart got me into a fandom that kept me writing like a madwoman for a solid year or two. Again, during a difficult time. Now we're married and things are much less stressful, and I'm learning that balance between can write and must write, because everything else is shitty. It's nice to know you can, even if the must, must has worn off a little.

[scripsi.livejournal.com]

I'm learning that balance between can write and must write, because everything else is shitty. It's nice to know you can, even if the must, must has worn off a little.

This, exactly! <3

And I'm glad you arrived at a better place of Life as well!

[flowsoffire.livejournal.com]

I'm very glad to hear that writing brought and brings you so much, dear ♥ Just write yourself away! It's the best feeling! ♥

[scripsi.livejournal.com]

It really is! <3