All Within, part one
Dec. 9th, 2010 12:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
scripsiTitle: All Within
Disclaimer: The characters belong to J. K. Rowling.
Rating: PG13
Category: Angst
Pairing: Lucius Malfoy/Luna Lovegood
Summary: He had forgotten about the girl in the cellar. Lucius Malfoy is given a price, but Luna Lovegood is not an ordinary girl and perhaps Lucius isn't quite who he was either. Not exactly a romance. An AU-fic taking place after Deathly Hallows.
Author's note: This first chapter contains a scene of non-consensual sex, though it's neither graphic nor violent. The title comes from a quote:
My grief lies all within, And these external manners of lament Are merely shadows to the unseen grief That swells with silence in the tortured soul
~ William Shakespeare
Re-posted as I have revised the first chapter.
He had forgotten about the girl in the cellar.
That Harry Potter had been forced to retreat with very few of his friends after the battle at Hogwarts and that the Dark Lord’s future victory felt very certain, ought to have filled Lucius Malfoy with joy. That he was once again in Voldemort’s good graces, should have been the cause of pride, but even if he went through all the duly motions of gratefulness, all he felt was numbness. This moment that he had longed and strived for, meant nothing, because he had no family left. Draco had succumbed to a vicious fire inside the school. Though the flames had spared his body, it had eaten up his lungs. Narcissa lay by her son, in death still grasping his hand and Lucius felt no grief either, only emptiness that felt like a mercy, because it prevented him to feel.
He returned home, dismissed all the servants and wandered though the rooms, frantically using his newly acquired wand to remove all traces of his wife and son. He couldn’t bear to even enter the bedroom he had shared with Narcissa for their whole marriage, choosing a room in the guest wing to sleep in instead. Only then did he remember what the Dark Lord had said in his cold voice after condoling Draco’s death.
“Such a promising boy- a pity. But you can beget other sons. The Lovegood girl are still kept at your home, isn’t she? She’s young and healthy and suitable to breed with.”
Lucius hadn’t thought about it, not until he had run out of tasks to keep his mind from turning to what he didn’t have any more. Ollivander had been removed and he realized that the only living beings left were he and the girl. He hadn’t set eyes on her in weeks and now when he had her just as he had wanted, he felt no taste for it. The anger he had felt, the fantasies of making her cringe under his touch, had all abated. It should have been with Narcissa he was going to seduce one of Potter’s friends. It was with Narcissa’s approval that he had wanted to teach her a lesson for her insolence, and now his wife was gone. For a moment he was dangerously close to think about how much he had loved her- how much he still loved her, but he pushed those thoughts away and went down to the cellar to claim the price that he no longer wanted.
Luna didn’t say anything when he told her to come; she went with him in silence, but no apparent fear. He brought her to his bedroom and ordered to take bath, which she obeyed quite eagerly. That he could understand, she was actually disgustingly dirty after her time in the cellar. He paced the room while he waited for her, not feeling altogether sure on how to treat her.
She returned wrapped in a bath towel, stopping close to the door and looking straight at him. Her even stare unnerved him and he stepped close to her and removed the towel. She was very thin, too thin for his taste, but her body was also young and fresh, her skin very white and smooth. He kissed her, her lips were soft and yielding and tasted like honey and he could feel a stirring of lust for her, despite it all.
Lucius had expected her to resist him, perhaps even to try to fight back, to cry or beg, but she didn’t even flinch when he steered her towards the bed. He had prepared to subdue her, to force her- part of him wanted to hurt her, but instead he found himself making love to her. She seemed almost unsubstantial under his hands and he grasped her more and more eagerly, suddenly wanting her very badly. It was sweeter than he had expected and after he fell asleep and slept without dreams until dawn.
He woke up, at first not knowing where he was in the unfamiliar room. For a brief moment he wondered why he felt such dread for the coming day, but then memory returned and he sat up gasping for air as the enormity of his loss for a brief moment raged free through his mind. Gone, they were gone and how were he to bear it and then he realized that Luna was gone too, and he forced himself to focus on that. A slip of a girl, who tried to elude him, that he could cope with. That he could be angry with, but his mounting anger came to a full stop when he found her in the bathroom, sleeping on the rug. His relief made him wake her up brusquer than necessary.
“You will sleep in my bed and nowhere else, do you understand?”
She gave her a tiny nod and he led her back to the bedroom, wondering what had made him say that. Did he really want this girl in his bed all night, every night? But it had felt good to hold her while he fell asleep and for a little while it had been easy to not think of all the things he didn’t want to think about. Back in his room he suddenly didn’t know what to do. What about clothes for her? The robes she had worn were not fit to use anymore. In the end he gave her one of his own shirts. Small as she was it almost reached to her knees.
“You can walk freely around the house and the gardens, as long as you don’t try to leave. There are wards that will stop you and you will not like the repercussions if you try to flee. As long as you can open a door, you allowed inside and you can amuse yourself as you see fit. I won’t be here much in daytime, but there are arrangements for food to be delivered in the dining room at mealtimes.”
Luna seemingly did not react to his speech, but it took Lucius several days to realize that she didn’t speak at all. Since he had fetched her from the cellar she had not said a single word and he could not make her. Not that he tried very hard. He found that her silence suited him well. The days was filled with whatever work the Dark Lord wished to have done and Lucius worked eagerly and hard, using it to push away his grief. In the nights he turned to Luna’s body for ease, choosing to take her silence for permission. For a short while, when he held her in his arms, he could feel peace of mind and it allowed him to sleep. In his heart he knew it was a lie, but it was easier to imagine otherwise. And for a while, he fooled himself very well.
Disclaimer: The characters belong to J. K. Rowling.
Rating: PG13
Category: Angst
Pairing: Lucius Malfoy/Luna Lovegood
Summary: He had forgotten about the girl in the cellar. Lucius Malfoy is given a price, but Luna Lovegood is not an ordinary girl and perhaps Lucius isn't quite who he was either. Not exactly a romance. An AU-fic taking place after Deathly Hallows.
Author's note: This first chapter contains a scene of non-consensual sex, though it's neither graphic nor violent. The title comes from a quote:
My grief lies all within, And these external manners of lament Are merely shadows to the unseen grief That swells with silence in the tortured soul
~ William Shakespeare
Re-posted as I have revised the first chapter.
He had forgotten about the girl in the cellar.
That Harry Potter had been forced to retreat with very few of his friends after the battle at Hogwarts and that the Dark Lord’s future victory felt very certain, ought to have filled Lucius Malfoy with joy. That he was once again in Voldemort’s good graces, should have been the cause of pride, but even if he went through all the duly motions of gratefulness, all he felt was numbness. This moment that he had longed and strived for, meant nothing, because he had no family left. Draco had succumbed to a vicious fire inside the school. Though the flames had spared his body, it had eaten up his lungs. Narcissa lay by her son, in death still grasping his hand and Lucius felt no grief either, only emptiness that felt like a mercy, because it prevented him to feel.
He returned home, dismissed all the servants and wandered though the rooms, frantically using his newly acquired wand to remove all traces of his wife and son. He couldn’t bear to even enter the bedroom he had shared with Narcissa for their whole marriage, choosing a room in the guest wing to sleep in instead. Only then did he remember what the Dark Lord had said in his cold voice after condoling Draco’s death.
“Such a promising boy- a pity. But you can beget other sons. The Lovegood girl are still kept at your home, isn’t she? She’s young and healthy and suitable to breed with.”
Lucius hadn’t thought about it, not until he had run out of tasks to keep his mind from turning to what he didn’t have any more. Ollivander had been removed and he realized that the only living beings left were he and the girl. He hadn’t set eyes on her in weeks and now when he had her just as he had wanted, he felt no taste for it. The anger he had felt, the fantasies of making her cringe under his touch, had all abated. It should have been with Narcissa he was going to seduce one of Potter’s friends. It was with Narcissa’s approval that he had wanted to teach her a lesson for her insolence, and now his wife was gone. For a moment he was dangerously close to think about how much he had loved her- how much he still loved her, but he pushed those thoughts away and went down to the cellar to claim the price that he no longer wanted.
Luna didn’t say anything when he told her to come; she went with him in silence, but no apparent fear. He brought her to his bedroom and ordered to take bath, which she obeyed quite eagerly. That he could understand, she was actually disgustingly dirty after her time in the cellar. He paced the room while he waited for her, not feeling altogether sure on how to treat her.
She returned wrapped in a bath towel, stopping close to the door and looking straight at him. Her even stare unnerved him and he stepped close to her and removed the towel. She was very thin, too thin for his taste, but her body was also young and fresh, her skin very white and smooth. He kissed her, her lips were soft and yielding and tasted like honey and he could feel a stirring of lust for her, despite it all.
Lucius had expected her to resist him, perhaps even to try to fight back, to cry or beg, but she didn’t even flinch when he steered her towards the bed. He had prepared to subdue her, to force her- part of him wanted to hurt her, but instead he found himself making love to her. She seemed almost unsubstantial under his hands and he grasped her more and more eagerly, suddenly wanting her very badly. It was sweeter than he had expected and after he fell asleep and slept without dreams until dawn.
He woke up, at first not knowing where he was in the unfamiliar room. For a brief moment he wondered why he felt such dread for the coming day, but then memory returned and he sat up gasping for air as the enormity of his loss for a brief moment raged free through his mind. Gone, they were gone and how were he to bear it and then he realized that Luna was gone too, and he forced himself to focus on that. A slip of a girl, who tried to elude him, that he could cope with. That he could be angry with, but his mounting anger came to a full stop when he found her in the bathroom, sleeping on the rug. His relief made him wake her up brusquer than necessary.
“You will sleep in my bed and nowhere else, do you understand?”
She gave her a tiny nod and he led her back to the bedroom, wondering what had made him say that. Did he really want this girl in his bed all night, every night? But it had felt good to hold her while he fell asleep and for a little while it had been easy to not think of all the things he didn’t want to think about. Back in his room he suddenly didn’t know what to do. What about clothes for her? The robes she had worn were not fit to use anymore. In the end he gave her one of his own shirts. Small as she was it almost reached to her knees.
“You can walk freely around the house and the gardens, as long as you don’t try to leave. There are wards that will stop you and you will not like the repercussions if you try to flee. As long as you can open a door, you allowed inside and you can amuse yourself as you see fit. I won’t be here much in daytime, but there are arrangements for food to be delivered in the dining room at mealtimes.”
Luna seemingly did not react to his speech, but it took Lucius several days to realize that she didn’t speak at all. Since he had fetched her from the cellar she had not said a single word and he could not make her. Not that he tried very hard. He found that her silence suited him well. The days was filled with whatever work the Dark Lord wished to have done and Lucius worked eagerly and hard, using it to push away his grief. In the nights he turned to Luna’s body for ease, choosing to take her silence for permission. For a short while, when he held her in his arms, he could feel peace of mind and it allowed him to sleep. In his heart he knew it was a lie, but it was easier to imagine otherwise. And for a while, he fooled himself very well.
