All Within, chapter 8
Dec. 29th, 2013 03:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
scripsiTitle: All Within
Disclaimer: The characters belong to J. K. Rowling.
Rating: PG13
Category: Angst
Pairing: Lucius Malfoy/Luna Lovegood
Summary: He had forgotten about the girl in the cellar. Lucius Malfoy is given a price, but Luna Lovegood is not an ordinary girl and perhaps Lucius isn't quite who he was either. Not exactly a romance. An AU-fic taking place after Deathly Hallows.
AN: I just finished this story and realized that I hadn't put up the next to last here yet. So, just a year late...
They kneeled together in the dark room. A small part of Lucius brain registered that this was Luna speaking at last, but at the moment it wasn't important. The terrors of the nightmare had morphed into the very real terror of his own memories and that shadowed everything else.
"I can't talk about it, it will tear me apart."
"It is already tearing you apart. Can't you feel that? I can and it won't be better if you don' speak about it."
For a moment they both sat in silence, Lucius trying to form sentences out of the words that floated in his mind. A wall had tumbled down somewhere inside him and he knew that Luna was right, this was not something he could keep inside him any longer. Still, it still felt as it was more than he could cope with to say it straight out. Instead he asked her something that he had been thinking of from time to time.
"You don't hate me, do you?"
"No."
"You should, but you are not even afraid of me. Why are you not afraid of me?"
"I was a bit, in the beginning. But then I saw how sad you were and I stopped being afraid. No one should be so sad all alone"
This was something Lucius had would never have guessed. "Is that why you try to comfort me?"
"I think so. When my mother died I had my father and he had me. We talked about her all the time and that helped."
"I can't talk about it to you. If you know, then you will hate me and I couldn't stand that.
Luna looked at him sincerely: "I think you need to anyway."
Lucius could feel Luna's grip on his hand tighten as the silence stretched out between them, their roles suddenly reversed with Luna waiting for him to speech. She was right, he knew that. Having allowed his memories to emerge he knew that he needed to share them too, there was no turning back now. When he finally spoke the words came slowly and with many pauses.
"My wife lied to the Dark Lord. She told him Harry Potter was dead when he was still alive. She wanted so desperately to get inside Hogwarts so she could find out what had happened to Draco. Such a foolish thing to do, she must have understood that the he would find out. Lying to him may be a death sentence under the very best of terms. And all for nothing, Draco must already have been dead by then. She didn't care anyway, and when we found our son, well, after that I don't think she noticed anything else. I don't think she ever knew what happened. I hope she never knew. She never looked up, she just cried and cried."
And there it was, finally, the last moments of Narcissa's life. "I killed my wife, Luna. I loved her so much and I killed her." Lucius started to talk faster. "It was a mercy. The death curse works so quickly, I don't think there is any pain even. If I hadn't done it, then she would have been tortured and it can take a human being so very long time to die. I have seen that and I couldn't stand it happening to Narcissa, even if she was a traitor. I did it so she wouldn't suffer."
He fell silent. Luna said nothing either, she just continued to look at him and he found that there was more to say, the last uncomfortable, no unbearable, truth. "I did it to spare her, but that's not all, though. I killed her to save myself. I thought had no choice, can you see that? If I hadn't done it, then I would have been condemned with her. I was too afraid of dying, but I lost everything and what is the point if there is no one left? I loathe almost every second of it and the only thing that makes it bearable is you. And now you know and I've lost even that."
Lucius had prepared for Luna to recoil, to try to free herself, but she just shook her head. "I don't hate you"
"But in the end you will. The Dark Lord will send for you soon if he can't find Potter. I already failed to save my family and I won't be able to do anything for you either. Do you think I have any real power? All I have is what the Dark Lord allows me to have."
But Luna shook her head again. "You will protect me."
"You are naïve to think that."
"Luna looked serenely back. "I don't think, I know."
It was Lucius turn to shake his head. "You are a very strange girl, do you know that?"
That elicited a smile. "Yes. Though most people say peculiar or crazy. Strange is better"
Lucius closed his eye for a moment. Luna's hands were still warm in his, but the room was cold and he shivered. He realized that all the emotions had drained him completely and he wondered how he was ever going to be able to move.
"I'm cold", he said without opening his eyes.
"We will go back to bed then." Luna stood up, pulling Lucius hand with her and he found that her grip was help enough to shamble up to his feet and toward the bed. He more fell on it than lay down and when Luna crept down beside him he pulled her close, wrapping his arms tightly around her. She twisted her head so it rested more comfortably on his shoulder and let her own arm encircle his breast. He stroke her hair, finally acknowledging the unexpected change in her demeanor.
"You speak to me."
"Yes. I just didn't really have anything to say to you before."
Despite all the turmoil, or perhaps because of it, Lucius slept well that night. No dreams, nightmarish or otherwise kept him awake the rest of the night.
Disclaimer: The characters belong to J. K. Rowling.
Rating: PG13
Category: Angst
Pairing: Lucius Malfoy/Luna Lovegood
Summary: He had forgotten about the girl in the cellar. Lucius Malfoy is given a price, but Luna Lovegood is not an ordinary girl and perhaps Lucius isn't quite who he was either. Not exactly a romance. An AU-fic taking place after Deathly Hallows.
AN: I just finished this story and realized that I hadn't put up the next to last here yet. So, just a year late...
They kneeled together in the dark room. A small part of Lucius brain registered that this was Luna speaking at last, but at the moment it wasn't important. The terrors of the nightmare had morphed into the very real terror of his own memories and that shadowed everything else.
"I can't talk about it, it will tear me apart."
"It is already tearing you apart. Can't you feel that? I can and it won't be better if you don' speak about it."
For a moment they both sat in silence, Lucius trying to form sentences out of the words that floated in his mind. A wall had tumbled down somewhere inside him and he knew that Luna was right, this was not something he could keep inside him any longer. Still, it still felt as it was more than he could cope with to say it straight out. Instead he asked her something that he had been thinking of from time to time.
"You don't hate me, do you?"
"No."
"You should, but you are not even afraid of me. Why are you not afraid of me?"
"I was a bit, in the beginning. But then I saw how sad you were and I stopped being afraid. No one should be so sad all alone"
This was something Lucius had would never have guessed. "Is that why you try to comfort me?"
"I think so. When my mother died I had my father and he had me. We talked about her all the time and that helped."
"I can't talk about it to you. If you know, then you will hate me and I couldn't stand that.
Luna looked at him sincerely: "I think you need to anyway."
Lucius could feel Luna's grip on his hand tighten as the silence stretched out between them, their roles suddenly reversed with Luna waiting for him to speech. She was right, he knew that. Having allowed his memories to emerge he knew that he needed to share them too, there was no turning back now. When he finally spoke the words came slowly and with many pauses.
"My wife lied to the Dark Lord. She told him Harry Potter was dead when he was still alive. She wanted so desperately to get inside Hogwarts so she could find out what had happened to Draco. Such a foolish thing to do, she must have understood that the he would find out. Lying to him may be a death sentence under the very best of terms. And all for nothing, Draco must already have been dead by then. She didn't care anyway, and when we found our son, well, after that I don't think she noticed anything else. I don't think she ever knew what happened. I hope she never knew. She never looked up, she just cried and cried."
And there it was, finally, the last moments of Narcissa's life. "I killed my wife, Luna. I loved her so much and I killed her." Lucius started to talk faster. "It was a mercy. The death curse works so quickly, I don't think there is any pain even. If I hadn't done it, then she would have been tortured and it can take a human being so very long time to die. I have seen that and I couldn't stand it happening to Narcissa, even if she was a traitor. I did it so she wouldn't suffer."
He fell silent. Luna said nothing either, she just continued to look at him and he found that there was more to say, the last uncomfortable, no unbearable, truth. "I did it to spare her, but that's not all, though. I killed her to save myself. I thought had no choice, can you see that? If I hadn't done it, then I would have been condemned with her. I was too afraid of dying, but I lost everything and what is the point if there is no one left? I loathe almost every second of it and the only thing that makes it bearable is you. And now you know and I've lost even that."
Lucius had prepared for Luna to recoil, to try to free herself, but she just shook her head. "I don't hate you"
"But in the end you will. The Dark Lord will send for you soon if he can't find Potter. I already failed to save my family and I won't be able to do anything for you either. Do you think I have any real power? All I have is what the Dark Lord allows me to have."
But Luna shook her head again. "You will protect me."
"You are naïve to think that."
"Luna looked serenely back. "I don't think, I know."
It was Lucius turn to shake his head. "You are a very strange girl, do you know that?"
That elicited a smile. "Yes. Though most people say peculiar or crazy. Strange is better"
Lucius closed his eye for a moment. Luna's hands were still warm in his, but the room was cold and he shivered. He realized that all the emotions had drained him completely and he wondered how he was ever going to be able to move.
"I'm cold", he said without opening his eyes.
"We will go back to bed then." Luna stood up, pulling Lucius hand with her and he found that her grip was help enough to shamble up to his feet and toward the bed. He more fell on it than lay down and when Luna crept down beside him he pulled her close, wrapping his arms tightly around her. She twisted her head so it rested more comfortably on his shoulder and let her own arm encircle his breast. He stroke her hair, finally acknowledging the unexpected change in her demeanor.
"You speak to me."
"Yes. I just didn't really have anything to say to you before."
Despite all the turmoil, or perhaps because of it, Lucius slept well that night. No dreams, nightmarish or otherwise kept him awake the rest of the night.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2013-12-29 06:08 pm (UTC)Gabrielle