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scripsiI have read 50 Shades of Grey, I felt like you kind of had to. I had hoped that I would find that it was much better than people have said, but sadly I found that I disliked the book intensely and for several reasons.
1. The language
This book started out as a Twilight fanfiction and, yes, you can tell. Well, I can’t really tell that it is just Twilight fanfic, because I have never read those book, but they way it is written reminds me of many, many mediocre fanfictions I have read over the years. It just isn’t well written. What annoyed me the most was a the repetitions and Ana’s bad language. I’m not a prude, I can take a swear word or two, but I sometimes felt that Ana only knew one word and that was “crap”. Which I frankly don’t care to read over and over. I know a lot of people use swear words in daily life, but a written book isn’t the same thing and I quickly grew tired of her potty mouth. I like my books well.written, thank you very much. And my fanfics too, actually.
2.The characters
It’s not easy to like a book when you dislike both the hero and the heroine. Mr. Grey is abusive, manipulative and controlling, not to mention those uncharming stalker tendencies he displays. Scary! But I didn’t like Ana either. She bitched and moaned throughout the book and though she is described as an independent woman, her actual behaviour was more doormat. I also thought she was quite nasty toward her friends who cared about her, which she just found annoying. I also heartily dislike the troupe of standard pretty girl who think she is ugly. I know all about low self-esteem, but Ana behaves more like a fourteen year old than a grown woman.
3. The BDSM
This is what I hated the most. I do BDSM myself. I’m a submissive, my husband is dominant. We basically keep it in the bedroom, but it do spill over in our daily life. And if there is one thing that is important, then it is mutual consent. We have talked a lot of what we like and what we want, and also of what we don’t want. We still talk about it and we have been together for seven years. I trust him and he trusts me, because even dominants have boundaries that they don’t want crossed. We love and care about each other. However, abuse happens that may be called BDSM, though it isn’t. A woman I know slightly recently told a story of how she, for several hours were bound, beaten bloody, had electrical shocks in both her vagina and anus as well as raped. She had a safe word, but the man had spent a lot of time telling her that if she used is that would prove that she wasn’t a real and good submissive so she hesitated. And then she went into shock and her mind went literally blank, she could not remember the safe word. For several hours she cried and begged and the man didn not, never once, take a pause to double check and make sure that she was ok. I find that a very scary story. And even scarier that he never and not until this day (it happened five years ago) realised that he did something wrong. He prides himself with being a good dominant. What he did was abuse, not BDSM. What Mr. Grey does to Ana, that is also abuse, not BDSM.
Well, 50 Shades is a fantasy, so is that consent thing so important then? I say yes and with that I know I’m on a rocky road. The majority of my fics contain very similar themes as 50 Shades so am I not throwing stones in a glass house? Perhaps, but I will try to explain what I dislike about the book so; it is described as a modern relationship in a modern world. The fantasy element can be very hard to make out because the setting is familiar to us. If I write, or read, a story where a pirate king has his way with a fair maiden or an alien Time Lord subjugate one of the Doctors companions, well, you just can’t mistake that for reality. But it is much too easy to think that 50 Shades is for real and that’s scary. Because yes, people often do believe what they read and think it’s ok to do IRL. Also, abuse takes its toll and I heartily dislike a story, fanfic or otherwise, were rape and abuse are just treated like something sexy. Yes, I do write about and yes, it is part of my fantasy life, but I will never ever write a story where it is not treated as something damaging.
Which brings me to another point, that 50 Shades treats BDSM as something you yearn for if you have been abused, something only damaged people do. Mr Grey have been abused and as a result he is dominant. I have never met a person who do BDSM who has been drawn to it because of how they have been treated. I know, of course, as I am one of them, that you can be drawn to BDSM even if you have been mis-treated, but everyone I know, me included, have had the attraction to BDSM long before. I don’t know why I’m inclined to it, but it has always been part of my sexual makeup, my very first sexual fantasy evolved around it at that at a time when I didn’t know what BDSM was. But I had a happy and secure childhood and I’m completely sure that it isn’t anything that happened to me that made me who I am. Same for my husband or our friends in the BDSM world. They had perfectly normal childhoods and they are nice, well-balanced people as adult. They just happen to have a certain sexual preferences.
And last, I find the BDSM scenes really rather boring and sometimes something I hope no one will try blindly. I am almost completely sure that the author has never been into BDSM herself but has only used it as sexy spice. For example, there is, admittedly a dream scene, where Ana dreams that Mr. Grey whips her with a riding crop between her legs. I just hope no one just tries that. Speaking as a woman who actually enjoy being whipped by one I can also tell you that I would never, ever want it anywhere else than on my buttocks. A riding crop can do some real damage and it isn’t even difficult to do that.
I know that a lot of people love this book and I guess it is fine as long as you are well aware that they are a fantasy and not something that should be emulated in real life. And that you understand that if you would like to try BDSM, then this book is NOT a good template. Go find your knowledge somewhere else, please.
1. The language
This book started out as a Twilight fanfiction and, yes, you can tell. Well, I can’t really tell that it is just Twilight fanfic, because I have never read those book, but they way it is written reminds me of many, many mediocre fanfictions I have read over the years. It just isn’t well written. What annoyed me the most was a the repetitions and Ana’s bad language. I’m not a prude, I can take a swear word or two, but I sometimes felt that Ana only knew one word and that was “crap”. Which I frankly don’t care to read over and over. I know a lot of people use swear words in daily life, but a written book isn’t the same thing and I quickly grew tired of her potty mouth. I like my books well.written, thank you very much. And my fanfics too, actually.
2.The characters
It’s not easy to like a book when you dislike both the hero and the heroine. Mr. Grey is abusive, manipulative and controlling, not to mention those uncharming stalker tendencies he displays. Scary! But I didn’t like Ana either. She bitched and moaned throughout the book and though she is described as an independent woman, her actual behaviour was more doormat. I also thought she was quite nasty toward her friends who cared about her, which she just found annoying. I also heartily dislike the troupe of standard pretty girl who think she is ugly. I know all about low self-esteem, but Ana behaves more like a fourteen year old than a grown woman.
3. The BDSM
This is what I hated the most. I do BDSM myself. I’m a submissive, my husband is dominant. We basically keep it in the bedroom, but it do spill over in our daily life. And if there is one thing that is important, then it is mutual consent. We have talked a lot of what we like and what we want, and also of what we don’t want. We still talk about it and we have been together for seven years. I trust him and he trusts me, because even dominants have boundaries that they don’t want crossed. We love and care about each other. However, abuse happens that may be called BDSM, though it isn’t. A woman I know slightly recently told a story of how she, for several hours were bound, beaten bloody, had electrical shocks in both her vagina and anus as well as raped. She had a safe word, but the man had spent a lot of time telling her that if she used is that would prove that she wasn’t a real and good submissive so she hesitated. And then she went into shock and her mind went literally blank, she could not remember the safe word. For several hours she cried and begged and the man didn not, never once, take a pause to double check and make sure that she was ok. I find that a very scary story. And even scarier that he never and not until this day (it happened five years ago) realised that he did something wrong. He prides himself with being a good dominant. What he did was abuse, not BDSM. What Mr. Grey does to Ana, that is also abuse, not BDSM.
Well, 50 Shades is a fantasy, so is that consent thing so important then? I say yes and with that I know I’m on a rocky road. The majority of my fics contain very similar themes as 50 Shades so am I not throwing stones in a glass house? Perhaps, but I will try to explain what I dislike about the book so; it is described as a modern relationship in a modern world. The fantasy element can be very hard to make out because the setting is familiar to us. If I write, or read, a story where a pirate king has his way with a fair maiden or an alien Time Lord subjugate one of the Doctors companions, well, you just can’t mistake that for reality. But it is much too easy to think that 50 Shades is for real and that’s scary. Because yes, people often do believe what they read and think it’s ok to do IRL. Also, abuse takes its toll and I heartily dislike a story, fanfic or otherwise, were rape and abuse are just treated like something sexy. Yes, I do write about and yes, it is part of my fantasy life, but I will never ever write a story where it is not treated as something damaging.
Which brings me to another point, that 50 Shades treats BDSM as something you yearn for if you have been abused, something only damaged people do. Mr Grey have been abused and as a result he is dominant. I have never met a person who do BDSM who has been drawn to it because of how they have been treated. I know, of course, as I am one of them, that you can be drawn to BDSM even if you have been mis-treated, but everyone I know, me included, have had the attraction to BDSM long before. I don’t know why I’m inclined to it, but it has always been part of my sexual makeup, my very first sexual fantasy evolved around it at that at a time when I didn’t know what BDSM was. But I had a happy and secure childhood and I’m completely sure that it isn’t anything that happened to me that made me who I am. Same for my husband or our friends in the BDSM world. They had perfectly normal childhoods and they are nice, well-balanced people as adult. They just happen to have a certain sexual preferences.
And last, I find the BDSM scenes really rather boring and sometimes something I hope no one will try blindly. I am almost completely sure that the author has never been into BDSM herself but has only used it as sexy spice. For example, there is, admittedly a dream scene, where Ana dreams that Mr. Grey whips her with a riding crop between her legs. I just hope no one just tries that. Speaking as a woman who actually enjoy being whipped by one I can also tell you that I would never, ever want it anywhere else than on my buttocks. A riding crop can do some real damage and it isn’t even difficult to do that.
I know that a lot of people love this book and I guess it is fine as long as you are well aware that they are a fantasy and not something that should be emulated in real life. And that you understand that if you would like to try BDSM, then this book is NOT a good template. Go find your knowledge somewhere else, please.
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no subject
Date: 2015-02-10 09:27 pm (UTC)Thank you for your insights into its other issues.
Gabrielle
no subject
Date: 2015-02-11 09:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-02-11 09:18 am (UTC)Gabrielle
no subject
Date: 2015-02-11 09:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-02-10 09:56 pm (UTC)And don't let me get started on the cable tie restraints. They're just not meant to be used on a person. You can do some serious damage to nerves in delicate places like wrists, ankles etc. *shudder*
That book is nothing more than a variation on the prince charming / bad boy redeemed by true love trope. Nothing new really.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-11 09:15 am (UTC)Ah yes, the Cable ties. Another instance of "kids don't try this at home". *shudder*
no subject
Date: 2015-02-11 02:18 am (UTC)I get DLs on all sorts of things. Twilight and 50 Shades were things I never wanted to know about but was forced to anyway. The research I did came up with lukewarm, one-dimensional characters in a delusional 'reality' setting based off of a 'mindset: thirteen year old girl pounding out fic for the first time'. Which is unfair to some thirteen year old girls out there.
I write dark stuff. I write REALLLLYYYYY dark stuff. But I pull no punches on what it is. This book? IS DANGEROUS. I've been screaming that since I saw, read and heard waaaayyyy more than I ever wanted to know and when I found out a movie was coming out, I was horrified.
I know quite a few people who are BDSMers. I am not a BDSMer. I have written it. And I have written about abuse. I am very clear on which is which. And though I have never had this sexual preference (off of paper), I have been told that I am 'close' and that (because it was a worry, one that would make me yank certain fics) I am not on the same level (thank goodness) as E. L. James. Something I am grateful for all the time.
This book is a horror. I feel you can write whatever you wish to, but please be responsible and own up to what you write. What happened to that poor woman you told us about it a terrible, terrible thing. That is sheer horror. The fact he told her she couldn't use her safeword or she wasn't 'real about it' is WRONGWRONGWRONG. Even I know that. That was ABUSE. And he should be called on it.
This book romanticizes abuse. The author should have been called on it. Instead of given a movie and accolades for her 'literature' *shudders*
*HUGS*
Sorry...book makes me freaky. Movie will likely make me no better. Meh.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-11 10:16 am (UTC)I did came up with lukewarm, one-dimensional characters in a delusional 'reality' setting based off of a 'mindset: thirteen year old girl pounding out fic for the first time'.
Spot on!
I agree with you, this book is dangerous! And I really dislike the way the author dismiss the criticism with the excuse “that it is all just a fantasy”. Well, you have to take responsibility for what you write and you have to be aware to the fact that people may find what you write triggering.
You are most certainly like James! Of course people should be able to write about things that they don’t have first hand experience with! I mean, I doubt that crime writers go around a murder people for research. Its how you do it that matters and James do it horribly. It is obvious that she is ignorant of real BDSM practices which mean she hasn’t even done basic research. She also seems uncomfortable with the subject. There is the thing stoat you are attracted to BDSM if you have been damaged and it is also showed as something to be ashamed of. There is also this strange anti-blackmail strategy Mr. Grey has. He has pic of his former partners in BDSM settings that he will use if they try to expose his BDSM habit. Seems a bit odd to me that it would work as if a woman would out him she must, by definition, also out herself and those photos would just prove her allegations that he is into that kind of sex. I’m sorry, but I don’t feel the slightest bit ashamed over my preferences. I have thought about it a lot and I have analyzed it, but I’m not ashamed. I don’t go around advertising it because I have teenaged kids and I don’t want to have even the slightest risk that they would stumble over Mum’s sexuality on the Net. But I would do the same even if I was ever so vanilla because kids shouldn’t have to be exposed to their parent’s sex life under any circumstances. (Yes, I talk about it openly here, but there are no pictures of me here.)
That is sheer horror. The fact he told her she couldn't use her safe word or she wasn't 'real about it' is WRONGWRONGWRONG. Even I know that. That was ABUSE. And he should be called on it.
He has been called on it. The woman opted not to go to the police, but the BDSM community is quite small here and she speaks up there. I know for a fact that at least two women that he has tried to court have cut all contact.
This book romanticizes abuse. The author should have been called on it. Instead of given a movie and accolades for her 'literature' *shudders*
It really and truly does. It’s a real problem in the BDSM world that abusers use the BDSM umbrella to hide under. It is also the way that many sees BDSM and a book like that only serve to cement that view.
*HUGS
no subject
Date: 2015-02-11 01:13 pm (UTC)This is what I think is the most damaging. Every community has its problems, but the BDSM community is misunderstood to begin with and she is hammering the skewed concepts home. I may not know much about BDSM, but I know a few people who are within that community. Good people. People from all walks. I know that very few of them have been abused. I know the few that have, have found freedom and the ability to express themselves within the community and get support, which is what all communities are about. I know they are the exception and not the norm. I think James' flippant attitude of 'it's just a fantasy' further shows her ignorance on the power of words and what that power can be used for/seen as. Then again, she is in it to make money and I'm quite sure she doesn't care beyond that point. Which is sad on so many levels - especially to the people she treats so callously through her books: those people who will believe that all BSDM is like this and judge the community accordingly and those who may act on what they read. Terrible.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-11 03:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-02-11 02:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-02-11 09:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-02-11 03:40 pm (UTC)P.S. I never became a part of BDSM community but I share all the frustration about the impact this book is likely to cause...
no subject
Date: 2015-02-11 03:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-02-13 04:55 am (UTC)The bad writing and the abuse veiled as love angers me the most.
I know very little about BDSM so I'm glad the BDSM community has some issues with this book and are clarifying like you did. I really hate when people who love the book call it BDSM and that I just don't understand. What. I think I'm smart enough to know the difference between BDSM and Abuse. Google could tell you that.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
no subject
Date: 2015-02-13 10:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-02-15 09:09 pm (UTC)I have a fascination for dark stories and abuse stories as well, but abuse and darkness that call themselves what they are, instead of getting romanticized.
Ana dreams that Mr. Grey whips her with a riding crop between her legs.
Goodness, I have no experience whatsoever with a riding crop, but isn't the most minimal knowledge of the female body the necessary thing to know this is nonsense?!
I know that a lot of people love this book and I guess it is fine as long as you are well aware that they are a fantasy and not something that should be emulated in real life.
Exactly. This isn't and won't be the first book that isn't very good or very insightful, it just gets scary when you imagine it might get some influence over people. Mind you, that was a thing I always found a bit weird to think about when it came to Twilight criticism—it was just beyond me how any sensible human being would use a fantasy book as a template for relationships, or be deeply influenced by its underlying messages. Are we really so easily swayed?
The bad language would really bother me, too; a bit of it in dialogue and in the right context is fine, but all over the place, seriously?
She bitched and moaned throughout the book and though she is described as an independent woman, her actual behaviour was more doormat. I also thought she was quite nasty toward her friends who cared about her, which she just found annoying.
To be fair, this is where you get the "Twilight fanfic" vibe. All of those traits you could also accuse Bella Swan of. ;)
no subject
Date: 2015-02-16 03:34 pm (UTC)I have a fascination for dark stories and abuse stories as well, but abuse and darkness that call themselves what they are, instead of getting romanticized
Yes, exactly. And reading, or writing it gives you control over it, which I think is a very important aspect of it.
Exactly. This isn't and won't be the first book that isn't very good or very insightful, it just gets scary when you imagine it might get some influence over people. Mind you, that was a thing I always found a bit weird to think about when it came to Twilight criticism—it was just beyond me how any sensible human being would use a fantasy book as a template for relationships, or be deeply influenced by its underlying messages. Are we really so easily swayed?
I think people are not easily swayed when it is clear that it is just a fantasy. I know someone who get turned on by thinking she is laying in a heap of tigers who licks her all over. It's very easy to understand that this is a fantasy that has no place in real life. In my mind a fantasy novel is the same- everyone knows there are no real vampires. So I don't get that kind of criticism either. I read a lot of historic romances in my teens, and they weer pretty much the same (and with a lot not-so disguised BDSM), but you just know a romantic hero from several hundreds of you will come and sweep you of your feets. But what happens in 50 Shades is something that very much looks like real life. True, most men aren't millionaires, but Mr. Grey is a common male ideal; rich, young and handsome. Even if he has a lifestyle few of us will ever have, it still is something that can happen. So if you donät know anything about BDSM, then it is very easy to not get the fantasy element in 50 Shades but instead think that it is a relationship model that works.
It is rather scare how many beginners of BDSM that shows up on net communities nowadays who says straight out the 50 Shades are their ideal and that the abusive relationship in it is a "real" BDSM model. The potential for real harm is much to large, IMO.
To be fair, this is where you get the "Twilight fanfic" vibe. All of those traits you could also accuse Bella Swan of. ;)
Well, I haven't read Twilight, but if Bella is like that, then I am sure I haven't midded anything. :D
no subject
Date: 2015-02-21 03:02 pm (UTC)And reading, or writing it gives you control over it, which I think is a very important aspect of it.
Very true!
I think people are not easily swayed when it is clear that it is just a fantasy. I know someone who get turned on by thinking she is laying in a heap of tigers who licks her all over. It's very easy to understand that this is a fantasy that has no place in real life. In my mind a fantasy novel is the same- everyone knows there are no real vampires. So I don't get that kind of criticism either. I read a lot of historic romances in my teens, and they weer pretty much the same (and with a lot not-so disguised BDSM), but you just know a romantic hero from several hundreds of you will come and sweep you of your feets. But what happens in 50 Shades is something that very much looks like real life. True, most men aren't millionaires, but Mr. Grey is a common male ideal; rich, young and handsome. Even if he has a lifestyle few of us will ever have, it still is something that can happen. So if you donät know anything about BDSM, then it is very easy to not get the fantasy element in 50 Shades but instead think that it is a relationship model that works.
I get what you mean. Indeed it’s easier to be influenced by that kind of story than another…
It is rather scary how many beginners of BDSM that shows up on net communities nowadays who says straight out the 50 Shades are their ideal and that the abusive relationship in it is a "real" BDSM model. The potential for real harm is much too large, IMO.
Wow. That is quite frightening. :/
Well, I haven't read Twilight, but if Bella is like that, then I am sure I haven't missed anything. :D
;)