The Snowflake Challenge; Day 14

[scripsi]

Day 14

In your own space, share your love for something fannish: a trope, cliché, kink, motif, theme, format, or fandom.

Well, I guess anyone who has read more than a few of my fanfics can spot that a lot of what I have written lean towards fic with darker themes. And over the years I have been called “sick” and “twisted” and someone who must be an awful person or hate other women. It doesn’t hurt me, because I know I’m a fairly nice person. I have a good life with a great family, loyal friends, a loving partner and a child who is harmonic and happy. I doubt I would have all this if I had been this horrible person some people think I am. But I get a little frustrated, because I find it frustrating with people who can’t look beyond what they feel are the best and think they have the right to be judgemental towards those who doesn’t do it the same way.

So why then, do I feel the need to write darkfic?

Because it cathartic. Shakespeare wouldn’t have written his tragedies if people hadn’t enjoyed them. A sad ending can give you a good cry, and a good cry relieved the body of built up stress. But a sad ending in a story doesn’t impact your life in the same way as when something sad happens in your life. In a story you can get the good cry and then leave it behind.

Because it’s healing. I have been raped and I have been in a psychologically abusing relationship. I dealt (badly) with this for many years with pushing all those memories away. When I started to write fanfic it all started to pour out of me and I’m convinced I would never have been able to deal and leave those things behind me without writing. I write about rape because it’s a way to turn around what it did to me and do something creative instead. I have the power over what I write, not anyone else. And I’m afraid of a certain type of men, those who use and abuse the people around them with manipulations and mind games. So I write about such people in an effort to understand them. Not so I can excuse them, but because it gives me room to explore ways to not be used again.

Of course I understand that this is not true for everyone and that many people don’t want to read such things. That’s why I’m a bit paranoid about warnings because I really don’t want to give someone a triggering experience. But for me writing, and reading, darkfic has been a great help.

Comments

[the_rck]

I write dark stuff, too, sometimes. Nobody's given me a hard time about it, though (probably mostly because my posted dark stuff is all in a now obscure anime fandom that always had a fairly dark fandom). For me, a big part of it is that I spend most of my time wrestling with anxiety, very diffuse anxiety. Writing dark stuff lets me come up with things that actually justify that anxiety.

I also... There are a lot of times when people really are stuck in situations with no good way forward. I want to see what characters do when everything goes to hell. I'm interested in seeing how they cope in terms of getting through it, even at points when it doesn't seem likely to end, and surviving to the point that recovery, afterward, seems possible.

[scripsi]

I'm glad you never had any bad times over it! Looking over all the time I have written fanfics, I have had very litle of it, really, but some of them were really nasty.

There are a lot of times when people really are stuck in situations with no good way forward. I want to see what characters do when everything goes to hell. I'm interested in seeing how they cope in terms of getting through it, even at points when it doesn't seem likely to end, and surviving to the point that recovery, afterward, seems possible.

Yes, I agree! :)I spend a lot of time thinking of how characters would behave in the situations I put them in.

[flo_nelja]

I love darkfic, too! (And I really should read more of your fics :-) )
I'm sorry you have been insulted for this, though. Even if it's okay for you, even hearing about it ticks my sense of "someone is wrong on the Internet"

[scripsi]

:) Well, I really hope you will enjoy them when you do!

I try to remember that it happens rarely and that most of the people I have met on the Net has been wonderful persons. Not always easy, but I try. :)

[meridian_rose]

What is fiction for if not to help us explore all parts of ourselves?
Honestly with all the scope for ratings and warnings and genre and the summary and content notes, there's no reason for someone to wander into a dark fic by accident and get triggered. I'm sure that given your concern you make sure your dark fic is labelled appropriately.
You can only tell someone the coffee is hot, if they ignore that warning, they can't blame you for being scalded or demand no-one serves hot coffee.

I had someone on my flist go through this recently, being followed from a fic to their personal tumblr and messaged that they were sick and wrong and triggering not to mention the whole fandom was screwed up. I did my best to point out that no one else took issue with the well warned for themes and that it seemed more like the commentator had issues they needed to look at than anything they (the author) had done wrong.

Continue to be brave. People might benefit from reading the fic just as much as you do from writing it.

[scripsi]

I'm sure that given your concern you make sure your dark fic is labelled appropriately.

Oh yes! I probably over-warn at times, but better safe than sorry!

I had a similar experience a few months back. I got an extremely hostile review and my first though was that I had somehow missed the wearnings. But when I checked it had the proper rating and it had warnings in the summary, the tags and in a special AN. That person then went on to attack several fics and even found me on Deviantart and continued, even if the art there was not in the least risque. There was also a lot of rambling on how I choose to portray a character as a bad guy was all wrong, though in canon that is just what he is.

I was very tempted to ask why on earth they had read the fics if they found the themes and rating so horrible, but I didn't. But checking their Beviantart page I gathered it must have been a very young and/or imature person who only wanted things wrapped in fluffy pink clouds.

Continue to be brave. People might benefit from reading the fic just as much as you do from writing it.

Thank you! And yes, that happens from time to time, which makes me very happy!

[minim_calibre]

I love exploring the seedy underbelly of the human condition, the terrible things people do to each other. I am sorry (but not as surprised as I wish I were in the current fannish climate) that you have had nastiness directed your way as a result of writing it, but am glad that you are writing it and speaking up about the appeal.

[scripsi]

Yes, I find that facinating as well!

On the whole I have had very little of nastiness directed to me, but what it has ben has beeen really nasty. (I've also got flamed for not making a villain enough evil, funnilt enough for the same fic I was told the villain was too evil...)

[velvetwhip.livejournal.com]

I love dark stories and difficult themes as well and I don't think there's a darn thing wrong with either of us. *hugs you*


Gabrielle

[scripsi.livejournal.com]

I don't think so either! *hugs*

[creascendo.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry that you went through a rape and an abusive relationship. I'm glad you're (or seem to be) doing better now. *hugs* I believe -- and it's a tool used in therapy, so people with more credibility seem to agree -- that writing can help make sense of the world, of life experiences. It sounds like you're doing exactly that.

It comes back in part to the discussion we were having about warnings. They're there for people to gauge whether a story is for them or not. Unfortunately it doesn't always keep irrelevant critics away.

[scripsi.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Yes, I'm doing very well these days. :) But I had to work through it and battle a depression to come here. Writing is such a great tool! And I still use it, even if I find I can write in more genres and, hopefully, more nuanced things nowadays. :) <3

[snogged.livejournal.com]

I also enjoy dark themes and difficult stories.

There's a reason I have this icon.

*hugs*

[scripsi.livejournal.com]

It's a really great icon! *hugs*

[a-phoenixdragon.livejournal.com]

This is a beautiful post. I'm sad that so many bad things happened to you...but that you found an outlet that speaks to you and lets you find a way to come to terms with it all. Plus you get the joy that darkfic can sometimes bring - in the reading OR the writing - by the release of some of our worse sides. Then trying to understand and come to terms with them.

Some of the many reasons I write it as well (as you know). And I'm just as hardcore about warnings. I'd rather overwarn than harm someone through my creative works...

*HUGS YOU HARD*

[scripsi.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Yes, it with our recent discussion- well, that's probably why I choose to talk about just this! <3 *hugs*

[liadt]

There's nothing wrong with reading or writing darkfic.

People on the net are very stupid sometimes:/

[scripsi.livejournal.com]

Indeed not. :) At least, so far in my Net life, I have encountered far more smart, sensible and funny people!

[maybe.livejournal.com]

And over the years I have been called “sick” and “twisted” and someone who must be an awful person or hate other women.
*rolls eyes" People are becoming more close-minded in fandom than they used to be, imo. There is nothing wrong with liking darker stuff in fiction, and it doesn't mean that someone is a bad person bc of it either. I've seen this kind of reasoning used against people that like more controversial characters/pairings too. I don't see how there is any correlation between the two things - it's just a preference thing. Jeez, people. :/

[scripsi.livejournal.com]

Mostly, in my corner of fandom, people seems to tolerate differences. I really don't get this being upset when not everyone likes the same thing. There is a lot I don't care for and some things that squicks me, but I just avoid it. Why on Earth spending energy to be upset about it? :)